Do you ever feel like you’re standing still, but time is just passing you by? I feel like that a lot especially lately. Today is June 1, 2016. After this month, we’ll be halfway through 2016, and I really do not know where the time has gone. I feel like it should still be February, and I should be working on those New Year’s resolutions along with decluttering and making plans for the new year. Now here we are almost halfway over, and I honestly feel like time is just flying by without even realizing it… until today.
When I was a kid, I remember thinking, “I’ll never become an adult. It’s so far away. I’m just going to be a kid forever.” And now here I am, 30, wondering where the heck my life went? My 20s flew by so quickly, and I really don’t think I enjoyed them as much as I should have. Sure, there were some really not-so-fun life events that occurred during those ten years, so that’s probably why a lot of it seems like a blur. Maybe I’m having an early mid-life crisis… who knows?! But it sure seems like not that long ago I was in my early 20s, and now I’m starting to realize, I’m 30, and I need to start acting like it and seizing every day and opportunity that comes my way.
Last night, Jacob and I had some deep discussions about life and what we expect in the next few years. To say it was eye-opening would be a major understatement. We’re both 30, and I think it’s starting to hit us that 1) we aren’t going to get younger (DUH!), 2) we have a pretty great life for just the two of us, and 3) it seems like everyone we know has children already… and not just one child, more like 2 or 3 or some on the way.
I remember when I was younger that I thought I wanted to have children by 25. Then 25 came and went, and I thought, “There’s no way I’m ready for that right now.” Now, we’re both 30, wondering where time went, how we got to 30 so quickly, what we want out of life, etc. Do we want to have kids? We think so, but it’s also easy to say that we’re enjoying life right now without little ones running around. We don’t really feel ready financially or mentally (for that matter) to grow our family, but does anyone ever really feel “ready” to start a family without any hesitation at all? Hopefully the answer to that is no.
Sometimes I feel like I want to have 8 children, and then other times, I don’t want any at all because I’m comfortable with how life is right now with just the two of us. But do I always want to feel “comfortable” and keep things the same, or do I want to experience change and growth within ourselves and our life together? Hard question. It’s so easy to stay in the same routine (with everything), especially out of fear or just not knowing what’s on the “other side” or what could be.
I am a big planner, and I research everything I can when I’m looking for something, whether it’s a new camera lens, a piece of furniture, a home makeover project, a trip, etc. So thinking about expanding our family is something that I’ll be researching and thinking about for quite a while before it’s time. Maybe that’ll make me feel “more ready” … whatever that is. Maybe it won’t. I don’t know. But I do know that time is flying by year after year, and I don’t want to look back when I’m nearing my 40s with a ton of regrets and question everything that could have been.